History repeats itself!

Wow I never thought I would be here today! I have made some choices I am not sure were right! I have fallen once again for someone like Joe! I do not know why but I seem to be attracted to that type! They are not good for me! They break my trust in guys! but it happens again! Not sure how to fix it this time! I rush into things! I don't regret, just wonder why and how! Jackie said it when she said, "it's the bad boys!" I am not a bad girl! I have made some not so good choices, but i am not bad! Neither are they!

What am I doing?

Well once again I am at a loss for what I am going to do! I feel feelings for someone I left behind a while ago! I don't know what to do with them! I think he is the only one I truly loved! But you see it is complicated! I can't! It just makes things hard! How do I let go? Life is just more complicated as I get older! I wish things could go back to a couple years ago sometimes, but then I wouldn't be ME! How and why linger in my mind constantly. I have a crush on this other guy I work with, but I just don't know how he feels! He flirts, but I don't know! and my coworker likes him too! What to do, what to do?

another day in the life of Rachy-poo
oh no even that brings memories! i hate memories!

Travel and the past!

Wow I never would have thought that I could say I have been to Samoa and New Zealand! But I have! And let me tell you it was amazing! I learned so much there in a few days that I would never have learned here in the states! I was once again reminded who is in charge of everything here! My patriarchal blessing was brought back to my remembrance. It says that I will feel a kinship to those of other nations. and boy do I ever now! I miss the people in Samoa! I miss Samoa! Oh well, that's life! But I came back a different person! And once again I reopened a bag of feelings from the past! I went and visited Joe yesterday night! It was really good for me, but I can't help feeling old feelings! he is in a wheelchair but he is still the same old Joe that i have been missing! It will help bring closure to these feelings and hopefully help me move on and heal some of my problems that will help in future relationships! But i just feel a mixture of feelings and i think that is why i am tired as well as staying up late and also getting up early! But here my new step in life goes! wish me well!

rachy-poo

Will it ever slow down?

Today is crazy! I have had so many random people come up and ask me out! I don't know why! These people are not ones i talk to very often! I know i am nice to people, but sometimes i am too nice! I had to be mean last night! One guy was hanging around and he just wouldn't get the hint! But i have a date with Andrew and i guess i am am eventually going on a date with this guy named Paul! I flirt a lot i have decided because all the people i really talk to outside of council are guys! There are a few girls don't get me wrong! But yeah! I feel weird when i say yes to go on dates with these guys though! I just am not really attracted to them in that way! I am not crushing on them! I don't want to lead on, but it is fun to go on dates and flirt! Well that's it for now! basically i am confused!!!!!!!!! but what's new!

another day in the life of rachy-poo

The road of life just keeps making turns!

I tell you i am sick of all these turns! I broke down today in Council meeting! Finally i was able to pull myself together, but not before i shed tears and my eyes got red! I wish i didn't have this! I also felt today i should go on a mission next year! I am turning 21 next year! But that also makes more changes! I just don't seem to do well with changes! I hope that changes! no punn intended! Well i just wanted to send this out in the void to vent and think! It didn't help too much! But oh well!

another day in the life of rachy-poo

"Look at the positive"

My coworker told me to look at the positive today when i was complaing about all my friends getting married. She said just think of all the things you will get to do that they won't because they are married! This is so true! I get to go to Samoa! I don't have to really worry about anyone when it comes to my finances but me! I have really bad spending habits right now! I need to work on them! Like really bad! I am saving though! $25 dollars a paycheck goes to my savings! And $25 goes to my Samoa fund! But i do have more freedom without someone! I can just go on these trips because i feel like it! I just save up the money and go! Also i get one more year on council. If i was married i couldn't do that! Well just keep looking at the positive! Take chances just cause i can! I get so nervous to actually try something! I need to relax! If i don't try something i will regret it later! What's stopping me? My fear!

well that's another day in the life of rachy-poo

Will it get any better?

Well once again another day is more than half over! It's amazing to see the season change slowly as the days go by! I sometimes wonder if I will gain control again! My emotions are raging inside and my only outlet it seems are tears! This week has been really bad! I feel like a fool! A sobbing fool! What exactly is causing all this turmoil i am not sure! I wish i could just pin point it and fix it! But that's life! Maybe this is supposed to be happening! I just cry and move on! Happy music helps! Frank Sinatra's The Way You Look Tonight!

another day in the life of rachy-poo